The Onion has published some of the iPhone's most anticipated features.
* Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
* Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
* Takes Polaroids
* When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects* Prominent Apple logo
* Reproduces through asexual budding
* Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
* Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you’re not using it
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